First is the Worst, Second is the Best?

Twelve weeks and 3 days people, meaning just a week and a half until I enter my second trimester, this mysterious, yet seemingly wonderful land where people promise I’ll start to feel more like myself again. Let me state for the record that if I am one of those gals who doesn’t fit into the category of “most women” and the nausea doesn’t subside soon, I may lose my mind.

The last week has been rough; my appetite was completely non-existent and the little food I could eat didn't always remain with me. This was evident in our 12 week appointment yesterday when I stepped on the scale and saw I’d lost 5 pounds in 3 weeks, equaling a total of 7 for the pregnancy so far. Unfortunately, J was standing right there when the nurse called out my weight. That is a truth I have tried to shield him from for a while. Sigh. It led to an awesome conversation while waiting for the doctor about how much I should aim on losing after the baby.

J was also present for his first breast exam. J: “Why was she massaging your boobs?” Me: “Um…she wasn't massaging exactly, she was feeling for lumps.” J: “Oh. Looked like massaging to me.” After just a couple of brief experiences in the OB/GYN world, I know J can concretely say he is happy to be a man.

We also had the ultrasound screening for Down Syndrome. This was cool because we got another look at our little guy/girl, who had a little hand raised up! So strange to see a tiny human forming and know it was inside me. We also got to hear the heartbeat J. The technician did some measurements, which all looked good but we have to wait to get the results back from this week and 16-week bloodwork to have a more accurate picture of whether the baby is at risk. Keep those prayers coming!

I am still convinced our tiny human is a girl, so you may find me referring to it as her or she. Of course, I won’t care either way but it’s just a feeling I have. We will find out toward the end of June, which seems like far away even though it’s only about 8 weeks. I already feel like I have been pregnant forever and am excited to start showing a little bit and start taking advantage of cute maternity wear.

My request this week is for you to please, please send good vibes my way that I truly start feeling better soon. I want to begin enjoying this pregnancy!

Surprise!

The day I took the pregnancy test, I was strangely calm. I had not experienced any early signs of pregnancy other than being just a couple of days late, which was not an anomaly for me. In the past, I had taken tests three or four days prior to getting my period, having convinced myself that the fatigue or slight nausea I felt were sure indicators. But not this time. In fact, I very patiently waited for my husband to come home from his business trip at 10 p.m. that night to take the test. I didn’t waste too much time once he stepped foot in the door, but that was mainly because I really had to pee.

I fully expected the little window to read “NOT PREGNANT”, like the times before so when I only saw one of those words (the important one), it took my breath away for just a moment … but only a moment before I rushed into the bedroom with an OMG, showing J the test. His reaction was a little anticlimactic, a very casual, “That’s good,” as he went along unpacking his bag. I even had to ask him to stop and give me a hug! Hey, we all handle stuff in our own way. My way was being unable to sleep that night.

Since that surprise, there have surely been a few more. Most of them have been centered on how crummy I have felt. A lazy person by nature, my energy level has dipped deep into negative territory. I’m exhausted all day and then sleep poorly at night, a trend that has led me to taking naps in my car during lunch on more than one occasion. Weekends are mostly spent in bed, and not in that fun, sexy way. They consist of me snoring the day away, trying to catch up from the week while J does the laundry so it doesn't pile up to the height of Mt. Everest.  God love him.

The biggie is the nausea and overall poor relationship with food. I haven’t spent the entire trimester over the toilet, but certainly feeling the need to have a trash can near me just in case. And while I definitely get hungry, the moment the food is in front of me (no matter what it is), I find it difficult to take more than a few bites. At our 9-week appointment, I had lost a couple of pounds. Our 12-week visit is next week and I won’t be surprised if I have lost a couple more. My inherent sweet tooth has taken a leave of absence and salty foods (as well as anything icy, like frozen lemonade or an Icee) are easiest for me to stomach.

Another surprise: Being overwhelmed rather than thrilled by all the baby stuff we’ll need. I have looked through catalogs and walked through aisles at Babies R Us and rather than a sense of excitement, like I thought I would feel, I have quickly deemed it too early or too exhausting to seriously think about. I’m really hoping that will change as I start to feel a bit better.

I know we’re in for a lot more surprises, during the pregnancy and certainly as parents, but right now, the furthest thought I can deal with is how long I have to wait until I can crawl back into bed.