I think I'm paranoid

I admit it; full-on crazy lady mode has set in. I’m chalking it up to this being my first pregnancy and not knowing what to expect at this stage. It’s not about actually giving birth; it’s about knowing whether I’m experiencing preterm labor. I’m finding it difficult to walk the line between worrying about everything I’m feeling and passing it all off as normal; the whole thing is messing with my mind a bit...okay, a lot. Some of this is just my nature so it was unavoidable to a point, but that little trip to the hospital a couple of weeks ago has only heightened it.

I have read and heard conflicting stories of those who say you’ll have no doubt when you’re having real contractions and those who had no idea at first. That makes me nervous because I was a bit surprised to find out how many contractions I was having when I was being monitored at the hospital. I can honestly say I can’t distinguish them between all the other intense sensations I am having in my belly lately, and it does feel like there is some kind of activity almost constantly. I figure that can’t always be the baby.

The baby’s movements are no longer little bumps and jabs and have become much more uncomfortable in general. I have strong pelvic pressure/pain and my lower back is starting to hurt. However, I know for sure that some of the other signs of labor (water breaking, bloody show – ew – who came up with that name?!, etc.) haven’t occurred so I’m airing on the side of normal for now. I’m actually looking forward to the weekly doctor appointments that start next Thursday to give me peace of mind on a more regular basis.

Speaking of peace of mind, just like I thought Rosebud was a girl from day one, I have also felt in my gut that she will come early. Therefore, I feel no peace at the fact that J has an unfortunate travel schedule coming up. He will be in Vancouver (dude, that’s in a whole other country!) on Oct. 15-18 and Orlando on Oct. 21-25. I suggested he tell his supervisor he can’t travel that close to my due date but he insists he has to go and can’t cancel just on the off-chance I may give birth. Depending on what the doctor says at my appointment the week before, this could become less of a suggestion and more of a request.

I’m also hoping the doctor can start to give me an estimate of how big she is next week. Up until now I have relied strictly on various sites and books, none of which seem to agree. I’d just like to have an idea if she’s leaning more toward being on the small or large scheme of things. Given that I’m not planning on a c-section, I’m personally rooting for no more than 8 pounds – closer to 7 would be even better!

p.s. Please tell me I'm not the only pregnant woman who has felt this way.